Kick the Ball, Fatty!

A survey of parents and children
Has shown that when youngsters play sport
More than half have been victim to bullying.
What a groundbreaking social report.

Imagine it hadn’t been sanctioned
And this travesty went on unknown
We’d still think that kits were ‘forgotten’
Or that bruised kids were accident prone.

But maybe instead of a survey
They could have helped to stop the fighting
Instead of trying to show what everyone knows
By putting the problem in writing.

Fast Food Makes You Faster. No?

UK doctors warn that Olympic sponsorship by fast food companies sends the wrong message as two Olympic 2024 hopefuls challenge anyone to finish a Big Mac faster.

Britain's Got Competition

An announcement made by I.T.V
That the time slot’s changed for B.G.T
So as many people get to see
The show in its entirety.

But critics might just disagree
And cite the clash with B.B.C
Whose show The Voice claimed victory
In the ratings war with channel three.

The two shows overlapped weekly
And The Voice won out consistently
So the change appears deliberately
To avoid the loss to tax TV.

Simon Cowell had this to say:

The Face that Launched a Thousand Bricks

A new face for history's ill fated beauties; Juliet, Helen of Troy, Marilyn Monroe, Princess Diana and, now, Samantha Brick.

Auf Weidersehen Pet

A lost cat is reunited with its owner in Germany after being found 15 years later. The average life expectancy of a cat is 15 years. A miracle or just a new cat?

April Introduction (and other words that end in -tion)

A record warm March was a great introduction
For the UK who jumped on a hopeful presumption
That summer would come without interruption
But snowfall has shattered this eager assumption.

Worldwide, drivers saw sat-navs malfunction
Caused by an unknown software disruption
Leaving road users without an instruction
As to where they should turn when they get to each junction.

In Edinburgh Zoo they have held an induction
Hoping their pandas will start reproduction
But the problem is in their genetic construction
They’ve only got 2 days when everything functions.

Meanwhile, Greece has been victim of further dysfunction
As Mount Etna discharged a volcanic eruption
At the same time two Greeks have been charged with corruption
When their antique statue was confirmed reproduction.

The Week in Pictures

Anti-smoking charity criticises Welsh councils for not having a smoking ban in playgrounds.